fall is here?

well oct. is almost over and I can't believe it. we lost internet when the neighbor we were taking it from moved...oh well. I'm getting so excited for the holidays because this year I get to start seeing it through childs eyes again. maybe soon I will be able to post via a computer soon but we'll see. we're hoping to find a bigger place...so maybe fall and winter will bring some awesome new changes

time flies by

I can't believe it's been almost two months since my last post. Maybe it's because I've had a lot of changes.
I got a new job. I love working at the bank, it's hard sometimes being away from Kamuela and I sometimes feel like a bad mother for not being stay at home. I love that fact that my husband and son have now bonded and I'm just mommy:) And maybe I'm sensitive about the issue, but I have definitely felt like I've had to defend my choice to go back to work when talking to other moms. But some of those moms are trust fund babies who don't need to work to provide for their child. We need two paychecks and until we have our landscaping empire I gotta do what I gotta do.

It's amazing how quickly Kamu is growing and changing. he's cutting two teeth. He's starting to hate his bottle and only wants solids. I love watching him study things and I can't believe 4 months have gone by.

I couldn't ask for a better husband. He's definitely in the running for father of the year, and every day I see him taking care of his family.

I appreciate my parents and my in-laws who watch Kamuela whenever we need them too.

I appreciate sleep as well. When I get it.

I appreciate 5:30 am when it's quiet out, the sun is rising and I'm taking my morning run. And that one surprises me!

I guess I should make an effort more to update my blog, but I don't want to write about my life and miss out and spending time living my life. but right now the baby's asleep and I've got my weekend ahead of me!

so many changes

I can't believe how much time has elapsed since my last blog. My son has grown so much and it's been amazing to watch how everyday he grows into his own. I have returned to work, which wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Turned in my two week notice, which came and went with little to do. And will start my new job on Monday. I am excited for the future, I'm excited to realize that I am an adult. My work clothes will differ from my weekend clothes. I will have a weekend again.

It's amazing how God worked things out, I thought the job had been filled by someone else, and just as I was about to begin my hunt again, I got the call. There are moments I want to panic about the future, budgeting for that future, my work schedule, going to Oahu for a week of training, and then I just tell myself: right when I was reaching the breaking point, God provided. I'm not saying every breaking point ends with success for me, but the continual lesson that God truly does care about his kids, and wants to take care of them. It has nothing to do with worthiness, or anything I've done, but because he is great.

Time flies

I can't believe it's already May 7th. My first mother's day is coming up. That seems surreal because it's hard to imagine my life without Kamu so it's weird to think that there have been 26 mother's day where I didn't think how it related to me.

I appreciate my mom more now, and I've only been a mom for 7 weeks. Not for the obvious things like lack of sleep and sacrifices of the everyday, but the bigger ones that go unnoticed. I appreciate the fact that a well educated woman with potentials to be successful chose my sister and I first. My thoughts of being some big wig when I was leave college don't really matter as much. My thoughts about my job are: does it pay the bills, help us save something, and can it be flexible so I'm there for my son? I appreciate that my mom put her whole life on hold to take care of her kids. Sure she does things that she likes, but I realize in the past year my mom has started hobbies. She is learning to play the ukulele and she's taking hula lessons and I realize it wasn't that she didn't want to do that before, but she chose not to because she could spend her time with or helping her kids.

I hope I can be as good of a mom as mine is. I hope in 27yrs from now my son will look back and say my mom is all right by me.

living in the now

dealing with it later. It's been challanging for me to take time off for the baby. Obivously I love the time I have right now, spending all day with the little guy. He's already grown so much and he's only a month old. however, it's put a financial strain on our household and we're just trying to find a balance with that.

I've had to relax a little and accept that we might have to go into some credit card debit until I get back to work and can pay it off. Hospital stays aren't cheap, but well worth it. For what we got to come home with, it was a steal! I've had to swallow my pride a bit in realizing debit doesn't make you a bad person, it's how you handle your debit that makes you a good person.

Two weeks left of my leave and then I will have to start thinking of other people watching MY son. Not that I'm worried, my mom raised 3 children, my mother-in-law basically raised 10-12 children, my husband loves his son to death...but they're not me. But they love Kamu, so I know he's in good hands.

keep on keeping on

it's amazing how each week I feel better, stronger, more like myself. The more I get into my routine and life returns to "normal" the more I realize how out of wack I was. My son is great. I'm pretty sure he laughed today, and I wasn't the only person who thought so. Of course the other person was my mother so it's not like she's unbiased!

I have a wonderful calm in my life right now...I know it's God, because I can think of a laundry list of reasons why I should be stressed. I can't wait for Sunday, our first Easter!

The Lord has risen, he has risen indeed

Meet our Son

Here is our son. Now seeing as he is a III we can't really call him Sam, little Sam, big Sam, those names are taken by either his father or grandfather, we decided to call him by the Hawaiian name for Samuel: Kamuela, or Kamu for Sam. He doesn't always make this weird face, I think he was in mid yawn. And although he's only 2 weeks old, he can hold his head up all by himself for several minutes.

I find it amazing that someone could deprive me of my sleep every night, and yet every morning, I love him more and more. Bizzare.

I'm a mommy?

that's really strange to think about. I thought I would hold off posting to prevent hormones from making an appearance, but I have a feeling if I wait that long my son will be out of the house by then. I have never experienced anything like giving birth to someone. Not all of it was good, but I won't go there, because that's not what I want to remember. Right now my son is peeling and looks like a snake or lizard during the moulting season. As the doctor said, that's normal, he's been swimming for 9 months, he's dried out.

Sometimes, when the emotions are down, I feel like I can do nothing but fail at this. Other times, when the emotions are high, I think wow, what exciting adventures will we experience? Right now I'm kind of doom and gloom. In these economic times I wish I had millions of dollars so I could spend the time with my son and not worry about bills, but that's reality. And as my husband puts it, this is our hard times right now, and the good don't come until you experience some hard. We'll see. I should probably take a break from the news channels right now! I'm a mother now, I have to be strong for my son, I have to teach him to trust and not fear. I just wish I could do it without having to live it. Then I look at my son, and all my fears are gone, and I just see how beautiful he is, snake skin and all.


Samuel Kekoukaua Woodward III came into our lives March 17th 2009 at 20 inches and 6lbs 6oz

Since we last posted

You might not know this, but last Saturday I had to take a friend to the hospital because she was in labor. By far the funniest moment occurred when we were in the ER waiting room and the nurse came down and just stared at us. It took me a second to realize she didn't know which one of us was in labor, or, if in the journey to get my friend, another pregnant woman and arrived. I explained that I still had 3 weeks to go. She gave birth Sunday morning and is now happily at home adjusting to the baby with her husband.

And I still wait. I want to do things to get him out, not just because I want to see him, but because I'm tired of my arms falling asleep at night, I'm tired of the strategic roll to get out of bed or to stand up I guess I'm just tired. But I remind myself, soon enough, and no sooner. All my life I've wanted to press fast forward, and maybe that's not always wrong, thinking ahead, planning for the future, but we can't forget the present. Enjoying right now. I enjoy all the compliments, even if some are said strictly to keep the pregnant hormones at bay. I enjoy the encouragement to hang in there. But my son. Easter isn't too far off and I'm already planning what I want him to wear and do, and show him off at church and take cute pictures. That's not really in my personality, and yet this little somebody, whom I've never seen, has brought out this nostalgic part of me that desires to stay in the moment. I can live with that.

So, t-minus 12 days (or less) and hopefully there will be a new Woodward in our midst.

The last week of February

I feel like once March shows up so will the baby, I know I will still have 19 days (technically) but I know that time will fly by. I had one of those holy cow I'm someone's mother moments...that seems bizzare to me. It's making me rethink goals and passions, I'm redirecting my life for someone I haven't even met. Jobs, careers, those things seem more important in the sense that where I work says something about me. Maybe nothing HUGE, but it could be, just like who you surround yourself is a reflection of you...I don't know. A career change at this point in our economy? I'm not worried about it. What I'm worried about is going into labor and pooping on my baby, a job is a job is a job.

Apparently I love food

Yesterday my dad's sermon was about where your treasure is that's where your heart is. I think that means my heart is at Foodland supermarket. (according to my check book anyways)

I started thinking, that's not necessarily a bad thing. A pregnant woman and a 6'4" Hawaiian have got to eat, but it did make me think. What do I feed the rest of me? I eat my veggies and drink my water, but what does the rest of me get? I used to be an avid reader, I now seem like I never have the time. I used to study and learn, now I watch foodnetwork and go I think I could make that.

I'm not saying it's wrong, but growing up in a scholastic family it feels weird to not be able to say I'm reading....

Step one of operation live by faith went okay this past week, trying to memorize scripture and read a passage in the Bible every night, I want an epiphany but I think right now we're just going to focus on commitment.

Today involves me, being a housewife: Cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and a bunch of other things, lets see if I can do all that for the glory of God.

and so it begins

as I am now 6 weeks away from my due date, settled in our new apartment, and stressing about taking on the responsibilities of finances and being an adult, I have decided to start a blog. Maybe more for myself than anything else, a place to put down thoughts and remind myself that "all things work together for good to them that love the Lord". I don't expect large miracles, but perhaps it's the minute ones that make the huge differences.

And so the journey begins, to rely on Faith to sustain me in the middle of the night when I wake up thinking that all is lost. This is that moment that screams live in fear or be comfortable not knowing what God is going to do, and be excited rather than nervous.